Thursday, July 14, 2005
Local DDR dancer immolation Randy "Bending" Holzenberg caused a recent fire in Powerfinger Arcade in Vancouver last Tuesday by accomplishing 43 perfect games of the most recent version of Dance Dance Revolution. Powerfinger regular Dave "Supershorts" Bannen comments: "I remember watching this guy for like, 3 hours straight - I couldn't believe it. This guy looked like someone took a 127 pound nerd's body, injected a baseball player's dosage of steroids all into his torso and legs, and gave him the flair of Ricky Martin, circa a few years ago, when he was hot shit - excuse the terrible pun. "So I'm watching this guy fly along, I turn my head to stare at a rare arcade-going chick, and when I look back at Mr. "I dance robotically so fast, I should be on fire", he was actually on fire. I feel really bad for him, he had a really good high-score record going here, but I don't think he'll ever break his previous record. Also, it looks like he toasted the machine. Bummer. Arcade officials were not available to comment, but a note was left on the still-smoking remains of the machine, asking customers not to mimic Holzenberg's "disco-inferno" ways, and to play safe and not do drugs. Mr. Holzenberg is in serious condition in the intensive burns ward in Vancouver hospital. His family asks that any letters of support be kept respectful. Holzenberg's sweat band will be eBayed shortly.